I know this sounds unusual, but bear with me. When I was in the thick of practicing as a therapist, I used to think that my job was to listen to people talk about their problems. That somehow through the magic of human connection, presence and reflecting back they would come to insights on their own and be as amazed with who they are as I was.
So, yeah, that didn’t work for me, and it didn’t work for them and here’s why that won’t be enough for you either.
The reality that I’ve come to notice in my 12+ years in this industry, is that people only need to talk about their problems until they have had enough of themselves.
That’s right, they get so tired of the roundabout of their own behaviour, they finally start looking for the exit. That’s when you know, its time to stop talking about your problems.
Think about it and see if it’s true for you.
They do the same work everyday, deal with the same people, the same problems, and boom, get into the same mood!
They say the same things to their partner, they pick at their kids for the same messy rooms, or lack of doing dishes or homework, they talk to the same friend.
Then they numb out watching the same tv shows, and go through the same hoping and wishing that things would change, but nothing gets better.
If doing the same pattern on auto replay worked, you would think people would be happier, and yet… it’s only when they have had enough of the mundane cycle of same s….tuff, different day, that they are really ready to make a change.
It’s the same thing when it comes to self development. If you keep talking about the same problem/ issue/past event/person ad nauseum, it doesn’t make it better, it just makes it a well worn pathway.
Ugh… that is depressing… and when things get depressing, we start asking,
WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS?!
And that’s where I got off the roundabout of “doing therapy” with clients and it changed everything for all of us.
So what changed?
Well we do still need to solve the crab inducing problems first (note that I said first, not as the only thing we do).
My clients are phenomenal humans. They run successful businesses, charity foundations, are educated professionals, and self made super achievers, and sometimes they, like me, they can’t see past the end of their nose to a solution.
Once we talk about the problem, we find the perspective shift they need that provides the solution they want to “the problem”, then we move on. How? They put the solution into action outside of our time together.
We may role play the solution, visualize it, or whatever is necessary to get as many of the predictable pieces of glitch out of the way. Then they feel confident making the solution work. Ultimately we both know, they are the one to put the solution in place; so they do.
Because what they also know is that the problem on top, isn’t the root. The problem is just the symptom. What’s on the surface, isn’t what’s really “wrong” at the core.
And once we take care of some of the surface clutter,
- You stop talking about your problems,
- Your mind begins to relax and
- We gain access to the deeper roots of the real pattern driving the whole thing.
When we do the deeper work (which also doesn’t include talking about it to death) then we start to get to the flip from problem focused to growth focused. Yay!
So, ya ready to do this for real?
If so, then download your copy of “Discover the Key to Your Problem” to find out what’s at the root of those surface problems to get started.
Because life isn’t meant to be tolerated, it’s meant to be lived!