This week was an exciting week of success with one of my dear clients who has been steadily doing the work through the Compassionate Accountability Program.
A professional mom, stuck in a rut of avoidance, Janet* (name has been changed for privacy) came to me about 4 months ago, stating she wanted to make changes in her relationships.
- Her relationship with her husband was one of competition rather than cooperation, as they were both in attention and emotional overdraft.
- Her relationship with her children was full of frustration, and combat about the littlest things.
- Her workplace felt like a place of alert, where she didn’t know if she would be penalized or praised for her efforts.
As we went through the accountability process of highlighting the root of all these challenges, it came to light that Janet* carried a deep mistrust of herself that resulted in critical self talk, and mind movies of failure. She had fantastic instincts and intuitions that she continually doubted, only to realize later that following her inner compass would have been the most effective thing to do in the first place! Ugh!
Although Janet* thought she had great communication skills, as we dug deeper, we discovered that she knew the healthy way to communicate, but wasn’t doing it! She was avoiding having the difficult conversations until they became big nasty and necessary, even though Janet knew the very minute something needed to be done. She needed the accountability to herself more than anyone else.
As you can guess, Janet* lacked self confidence in her ability to handle the emotions, the words, and the outcome of relationships. The continual result for her was the collapse of relationships because of the avoidance of intimacy and vulnerability that communication will inevitably require.
For my amazingly brilliant client, Janet* was stuck, she knew it, and she was ready to do the work.
Did she like it? No.
Over the 3 months there were several times where she said openly (practicing her new communication skills) that she didn’t like how it felt. She actually felt worse in the middle of the whole thing than she had when we’d first spoken. She questioned if she was getting it “right”.
With continual coaching, Janet* learned how to develop compassion for herself. We did not relent. I kept her accountable to herself and her goals instead of the old patter of avoiding (that had been our agreement). From this, Janet* kept showing up for herself and doing the work, even when baby steps were all she could muster.
My role was to hold the space and the faith when she couldn’t. “You’re almost there! Here’s how we know…” Janet* was learning to see the signs of her struggle as the markers for how she was progressing and where she was in the process. Janet* learned the skills, and the map for when to apply those skills in a way that helped her, instead of held her back. She was becoming compassionately accountable to her self.
At the conclusion of her 3 month process, Janet* had her breakthrough results, 3 of them actually!
- With her husband, they had reached a turning point. Because she had shifted, so had he. She shared excitedly that they were understanding each other better, and working as a team which meant more time for play as a couple.
- With the children, her eldest came to her and said, “Mom, I don’t know what’s different, but it makes me happy, that you are smiling more than yelling.”
- With her work, she reached a point where she was proactively having conversations with colleagues and her manager as soon as she got that twist in her stomach, or read an email that told her, you need to look into this now. She felt calmer, more competent and therefore more confident at work than she had in years!
Janet* had reached a place in her life where she was empowered, taking action, and seeing the results. Even more valuable, is that she now knows how to handle challenges, with a process that works for who she is. Instead of avoiding, and letting things build, Janet* is empowered to take charge immediately, trust herself & be the lead in her own life.
She has fueled me to continue to share what I do with those who need my service, and inspired me to keep the mission front and center. I am immensely grateful to have walked this journey with her this far and I know this is just the prelude to her expanding vision for her life on purpose.
If you feel what Janet felt, and are ready to talk about how to activate the vision for your life, consider connecting with me for a complimentary 20 minute consult. Let’s get you activating your brilliance!
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Are you a practitioner looking to deepen your ability to connect and guide your clients? Connect with me to explore how I can help you help others. You are needed now more than ever! Let’s ensure you are being as effective in your work as you can be.